Weekend Open Thread: Padawans Roasting on an Open Fire Edition

H. Clay Aalders
Weekend Open Thread
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Ok., so that was a bit dark, but I figured it would be a good antidote for what will be some somewhat saccharine Christmas memes. Welcome to another edition of the Weekend Open Thread. We are on the glide-path to Christmas now, as by the time that most of you will be reading this, it will be at least Christmas Eve Eve if not later.

That is more right than it is wrong.

Uh oh.

That would be a positive spin on it. We all know that Kevin was actually a monster.

The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree…

That clears things up a bit.

Since there are no knife shows on the Knife Events Calendar, we are going to jump into tonight’s first musical selection. Last year I believe I used Run DMC’s Christmas in Hollis. Keeping in the vein of a bit of Christmas silliness, here is another of my favorites…

Section 2 will be keeping with the Christmas theme, just no more on the Home Alone Front…

You can use the rest tinder for your fireplace.

Good question.

Save on Electricity, I did.

Stupid is as stupid does, though no generation has a monopoly on that…

I actually remember that stuff.

They are delicious. Unlike this…

Kill it with fire.

 

Remember Boys and Girls…

The real moral of that story. Though the movie isn’t all bad… I’ve shared that before, but as it says, “annual reminder”

Apropos of nothing at all, the Kenny Rogers Roasters episode of Seinfeld is among the best.

Easily attainable relationship goals. Though I usually start with a pitcher of Bloody Marys on Christmas.

Tasteless Trex is a great meme template.

Hey…I found a knife related one…

These get old after a while though…

You will never unsee this.

We actually made our gingerbread houses this evening…

Spellchecking memes is hard.

That is true.

It is also true that we are in the midst of a “two token” drawing for a CRKT Provoke. Our current “token-holder” is Steve T. and now joining him in Week 2 is Heather R. It would have been Hocky since I actually drew him forst, but he has already declined participation in this drawing. So Steve and Heather only need to be drawn once more to be the winner. Everyone else take heart, you are still in this thing. It takes being drawn twice to win the knife, so you too can be a token holder next week if your name is drawn.

Usual rules apply, up to 5 comments or replies count as your entries, and if you are a new commenter yours count double. If you are new to the blog, your comments will be held in moderation until I can approve them. Please be patient, I will get to them in a day or less. Good luck everybody.

Now onto the non-themed memes…

Or you can go the punch-card route and get your 6th free.

Olé

Chris Rock has a great bit about that (NSFW).

That is a very good question.

That game rocked.

It hasn’t snowed here yet. But I will be happier than that Jeep.

I am Fantastic though.

Nice baby monitor.

Makes a great gift.

Friendly doggo.

Not so much funny as true.

More interesting than mine.

Stupid Proby (Probationary Firefighter).

Speaking of tea…

They are in for a surprise.

I can relate.

That would work.

They need to be more creative.

I know Hanukah ended last week, but it seems like a good segue….

I don’t have a lot to add to my weekly mention of Israel’s war against Hamas, but even almost 3 months later, my support remains steadfast. Hamas must be destroyed.

Sounds familiar…

On October 6th, Israel was not conducting airstrikes. There was a “ceasefire” except for Hamas was already firing rockets indiscriminately at Israeli civilians. On October 7th, Hamas committed acts of barbarity that are among the most brutal in history. Now, they hide behind civilians in schools and hospitals.

 

View this post on Instagram

 

A post shared by Israel Defense Forces (@idf)


The world definitely seems to be in a bit of a state these days. The Weekend Open Thread developed into its current form as a reaction to the insanity that was the pandemic time. It is a dark-humor attempt to laugh our way through a situation, now situations beyond our control.

I draw a small comfort in knowing that this isn’t the first time the world has been at the brink. During the 1962 Cuban Missile Crisis, a songwriter, who happened to have been a French conscript into the German army in WWII, and his wife composed a song that was a prayer for peace in a world gone mad. The song is “Do you hear what I hear?”, and the composing couple reportedly could not perform it themselves because they became too emotional.

A year later, the country was rocked again by the assassination of John F. Kennedy. I was not alive then, but having lived through September 11, I can at least understand an incident that shakes the nation’s soul. A month after that, one of the most beloved figures in America took the stage of the Bob Hope Christmas Special and sang the song. I can only imagine the effect that this had on those who watched it then, as I myself get verklempt every time I hear the song today.

Pray for Peace in the World.

We hope you have a Knife (and Machete) filled Christmas.

Stay safe everyone.

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H. Clay Aalders

H. Clay Aalders is a lifelong edged tool user. He spent the past 20 years as a woodworker and fishing guide in Ohio, Pennsylvania, Idaho, and Tennessee. While guiding in Idaho, Clay worked part-time writing for a local newspaper, and upon moving to Tennessee began writing for the blog The Truth About Knives - spending his last 5 years there as Managing Editor. His background is in fixed-blade hunting and bushcraft knives, but has jumped into the world of vintage slipjoint collecting with both feet since coming to work at Knife Magazine. Clay’s primary role is as Digital Editor, curating and creating new content for our website and blog, as well as maintaining the Knife Magazine social media accounts (FB/IG: @theknifemag, Twitter: @knifemagazine). He is also a contributor and Associate Editor of the print magazine.

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20 Responses

  1. 16hrs today, hope the system holds.
    with only a slight wording change the fireplace would have the kids being tossed in…
    that fake snow is all frangible, crazy. we were taught to use compressed air to blow out the brake drums… and i remember learning to weld/ braze/ heat wrench with this big woven asbestos blanket. the majority of the old switching vaults on our grid have cabinets hewn from compressed asbestos particles. holds up well to flashes but the band saw operators are all long gone.
    i never thought to consider if birdy numnums is stressed by illuminated decorations. i’d build a nest there.
    the boys were eddie arnold fans, but the 5girls ruined me for the beatles. pretty intolerant of stones, who… alot. i’m gonna start a radio station wdpt, “we don’t play that.” i never tire of kinks. waterloo sunset, come dancing, picturebook. one of them davies kids had a child with chrissie hynde, talk about a rock and roll pedigree.

    Reply

    1. Like “Mate-Us”, “As-Best-Us” must have a use as a “break the ice” line in a drinking establishment. Maybe not . . .
      CMEAT’s experiences with asbestos exposure got me to thinking about my pre-submarine days in the U.S. Navy. Coming out of “Nuclear Prototype Training School” at the “S1C” site in Windsor, CT,I had volunteered for submarine duty. I got orders to the USS Bainbridge DLGN-25 in Puget Sound Naval Shipyard, Bremerton, WA. The ship was in a two-three year refit and refueling of its twin reactors. Basically, I was heading for “yard-bird duty”. This was late 1973. Duty stations on a naval vessel in a drydock are boring as hell, such as, “Fire watches” and “Shutdown Reactor Operator (SRO)” (Note: “SRO” was a misnomer, the reactor vessel was “empty” awaiting it’s new core.).
      Regarding asbestos, the ship’s steam pipes and other thermal systems were covered in the stuff. One of the major projects going on was removing all the asbestos in the ship . . . most of it was “asbestos lagging”. Remember, this was 1973-74, and asbestos was very efficient prehistoric stuff! To this day, every year I go to Bethesda Naval Hospital for an 8-hour respiratory physical to determine if my lungs have mesothelioma or other asbestos-related disease.
      On standing a “fire watch”, I spent many a four-hour watch INSIDE the “Discharge Storage Tank (DST)”. What’s a “DST”? That’s where primary coolant* from the reactor goes when necessary . . . Hmmm-mm-mm (*Primary coolant is radioactive water. Chock full of itsy- bitsy, teeny-weenie, yellow polka dot . . . ). The ‘DST’ is highly radioactive from several types of ionizing radiation sources, e.g. Cobalt-60, which is the primary source of gamma radiation**. (**”Gamma” is the invisible, warp speed, ray that shoots right through things. Aliens use it in their weapons.) The “Navy” protected us from this soup of radioactive stuff by encasing us in an air-fed, hooded, paper/poly-coated suit with double rubber gloves and disposable booties. To ensure that we were “air-tight”, all seams were sealed with duct tape. It was like being in a womb. Oh, the “fire watch” had a CO2 extinguisher.
      In the late fall of 1975, I worked a “no-cost to the Navy” swap with a nuke “Machinist Mate” on the USS George Bancroft SSBN643 home ported in Charleston, SC.
      Asbestos and ionizing radiation . . . I have had a few weird physiological “things” occur in my life, such as “white, two-inch long, spike-like hairs” emerge from my knuckles. Kind of a “Wolverine” moment. It was a temporary but fascinating moment. The births of my sons in 1986, ’88, ’89, ’91, ’95 and ’97 held watchful anticipation . . . I always put lead bricks around my “privates” when in the “DST”. All my sons are healthy and doing well. I have not told them about the “white hairs”, nor explained their webbed toes . . .

      Reply

      1. Hocky – that’s some pretty nasty stuff to have dealt with, service is way more of a commitment than most of us civvies appreciate.
        I also confirm that the Bull Trout arrived as planned today. I’ll take it camping this weekend and put it through its paces. Many thanks for that and as they always say: “the check’s in the post!”.

        Reply

        1. Great news on the “TOPS”. Head’s up: The “Bull Trout” does not “click” into its sheath, so be aware when climbing or other activities that may cause the knife to lose its grip. Note: On my leather sheaths, I will “add” a stitch at the top to tighten the mouth a bit. Not to much, just a bit. Remember, “Ben Franklin” . . .

          Reply

      2. haha my first was boy in ’97. we used to call those “frog hairs” although i don’t remember why. he and the girl seem fine so far. “sins of the fathers” not withstanding.

        Reply

        1. Did you mean “fine as frog hair”? I never caressed a frog to feel its hair . . . my “spikes” were definitely not “fine”. Reference: Bill Moran “assassin spike”(“Master of the Forge”, Pg.136, “Push Dagger”).
          My friend, “Barney”, said that “Bill” could drive this dagger through a pine 2 x 4. That’s tough and hard!

          Reply

  2. Marry Christmas to you all. Like Del, I was surprised you cranked out a fine meme collection this weekend. Thank you!
    Heather, congrats on the token!
    Grands are asleep. My kids are turning in, and Santa will be arriving soon. I hope you all have a happy and wonderful holiday!

    Reply

  3. Congrats to Heather R for the draw and Merry Christmas to all you WOTers and the Grand Poohbah himself, Clay, for providing us this wonderful forum

    Reply

  4. “Yukon Cornelius” . . . his small fixed blade and hammer (impact tool?) make him a rock star!

    “Vienna Pickle Pie” gave me shivers . . .

    I have seen every episode of the “Andy Griffith Show”. Don Knotts . . . well, he was a really, really funny man. “Knife on a Fife”, . . . I tried to read the “tang stamp” on the knife. I need more magnification.

    “Wharnie on a Barney” . . .

    Happy Holidays to All!

    “Hocky”

    Reply

      1. “Christmas Underwater on Deterrent Patrol” would make a decent holiday movie. Of my five deterrent patrols of “75 days submerged”; Two spanned the Thanksgiving through New Year’s Day time frame. Christmas was smack dab in the middle of both of them. Knowing that the boat would be on patrol during the holiday season, we loaded the ship’s stores with frozen turkeys and hams. Of course, we loaded the usual patrol food: Roast beef, 50-lb sacks of flour, 20-lb sacks of sugar (The galley always smelled great of freshly baked bread!); and, hundreds of #10 cans of juice, vegetables, fruits and other things as the head cook and the “Captain” deemmed necessary to survival. Oh, “fresh milk”, “real eggs” and “fresh produce”? After two weeks on patrol, that was all gone.

        “Fun traditions” at sea on patrol on Christmas? “Halfway Day”, meaning that we were half-way through our patrol. Literally, a whole day of stand down and relax. No “Spin Up All Missiles” drills; or, “Fire in the Boat” drills; or, for us “nukes”: “Reactor Scram!” or “Spill in the Tunnel” drills. We would break out our “favorite” beverage from our personal lockers (. . . it’s a submarine, a locker was approximately the size of a dresser drawer.); and, the 15-gal bladder of wine, created from numerous #10 cans of grape juice, fermented in the warm space of the Engine Room would be enjoyed.

        “Halfway Day” had a “Halfway Nite”. Think of a festival of “Bacchanal” . . . 140 men whooping it up with rock music, country music, jazz, and Beethoven depending where you were at in the boat. From the “Torpedo Room” forward to the “Engine Room” aft, there was a party going on. We had a “Miss Bancroft” contest . . . Each “Division”, e.g. I was a “Machinist Mate (MM)”, so, I was “M Division”, selected a candidate to represent them in the contest. We decorated them with “make-up” and garments to the best of our abilities; BUT, bearded “queens” are ugly. The winner got extra time off after the patrol.

        Holiday “family-grams” was a quiet moment. A “family-gram” is a maximum 25-word message sent by low-frequency radio. Each crew member is allowed six per patrol. My “Mom” sent me one on my first patrol which was incomplete because her message was edited to 25-words by the people who run the “lo-Hz range site”** somewhere in Minnesota. (**This “low frequency” transmission somehow uses the Earth’s surface to deliver these coded messages.). When I got home, I told “Mom” that she did not need to send them. I gave my “six messages” to the married men with families.

        We had “lay people” for religious services. My crew had many religious faiths. My “M-Div” Chief Petty Officer (CPO) was a Mormon. He was also very large and dressed as Santa. Christian, Muslim and Buddhist were predominant. One of our “MM”s proclaimed to be a Druid. He prayed to the plants he brought on patrol.

        “Fun” on patrol? Submariners are all volunteers; and, as such “bring a good sense of humor” when you become a crew member.

        Happy Holidays, “Hocky”

        Reply

  6. Merry Christmas to all of you.
    The Grinch memes were great.
    I must be stupid because I didn’t “get” a few of the others.
    Clay, I agree with you on the Israeli/Palestinian war.
    Hamas and anyone who backs them should be wiped from the face of Earth.

    Reply

  7. Merry Christmas Clay & Everyone on the WOT. Can’t believe you made time to get us some Christmas laughs Meme-Master!

    You do need some laughs when life or the world gets too dark Clay, I totally agree!

    Congratulations Heather on getting a token drawn.

    I am trying to finish a kitchen knife before Christmas for a customer. CPM-D2 steel out of 3/32 inch stock. Will be a nice slicer, good for chopping veggies too. Glued it today, should get it finished Sunday. It is for my neighbors son. I told them it would be done for Christmas. Looking good for delivery Monday, Ho-Ho-Ho!

    Hope everyone has a great holiday, stay sharp!
    Del & Family

    Reply

      1. Merry Christmas, I’m up early, ready for the second pot of coffee before the family arrives. I did deliver that kitchen knife yesterday. It tested well slicing and dicing thick leather.

        Green Christmas for the first time in a long while, any snow at your place?

        Reply

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